Processes and Revelations

It began months ago, when I was kneeling in the garage, crying because I needed a friend. God said "I'm right here" and that alone made me realize how much idolatry was in my life, and how I looked to others for comfort, love, approval, etc. Pretty much every positive emotion I looked to others to fulfill, because it seemed more "real" than Gods.

I began to apologize to people for my errors both back in Montana, and here in Colorado. I was about to take a journey inside that I never knew I would ever take. I started slipping back into old habits that left me eventually feeling empty, reaching out to others rather than God- Again. This time, I hurt someone back in Montana, and I knew I had to tell my leaders. The next week hurt like hell and felt like heaven. I could honestly feel the process of getting rid of my old man, he was there since I was a child, and now with him gone- I can see much clearer.

Most people would not want to go through the process I'm going through, but I'm holding onto the promise that has been set before me by God himself. Turns out that "between the present and the promise, there's a process." (Credit given to Kris Valliton for that quote) And it's that process I want to go through, not glorify, but complete. I want Gods work to be whole in me, and not me asking for it to hurry up so the promise could some sooner- and me not be prepared for it.

This season of my life, I'm finding myself not emotionally connected to anyone, I don't have any best friends or am even able to build on the friendships that have been created. Working 10-13 hours a day with people who have deadlines nearly every day for tasks and schedules, all I can do is smile and know Gods work and will is being done in my life. I cant and wont complain because literally every aspect of what I do is God working in me something beautiful.

And it's Him I trust.